Your friends seem further ahead in life, is that really true?

You see it everywhere around you. Friends who are living together, someone who's buying a house, another who's had a stable relationship for years. Meanwhile, you look at your own life and wonder if you're falling behind. That feeling is recognizable. Many people compare their lives to those of others. Only we forget one important thing in the process: we usually compare one piece of someone's life with our entire life. And that often makes the comparison unfair. 

In many minds, there exists a kind of unwritten timeline. Around your twenties you study, then you start working, somewhere in your mid-twenties you get into a relationship, then move in together, buy a house and maybe start a family. But life rarely works that way. In reality, people develop in different areas at different paces. Some first build a relationship and think about their career later. Others invest fully in their work first and look at other parts of their life later. Both routes make sense. They're just different. 

Emma is 26, still lives at home and doesn't have a relationship. When she looks at her environment, she sees friends who have been together for years, are living together or are busy buying a house. This made her feel like she's falling behind. But if you look at her life as a whole, you see a different story. In recent years, she has invested enormously in her career. She worked hard, developed quickly and now earns around 10,000 euros per month. Something many of her peers are still working toward for years. Many of her friends who now have a stable relationship and a house are just now getting serious about their career. They might be further along in relationships and housing, but are back at the beginning of their development in other areas. The difference isn't in who is "further along." The difference is in where someone first invested their energy and time. 

We're used to seeing lives as if there's one correct order. First study, then work, then relationship, then house, then family. But in reality, people often build their lives in a different order. One person first builds stability in work and then looks at relationships. Another invests first in love and family and discovers later which career really fits. Yet another chooses freedom and travel before settling down somewhere. None of those routes is better. They're just different. 

The problem arises when you compare your chapter to someone else's highlight. You see a friend buying a house, but not the years of saving that preceded it. You see someone with a strong career, but not the stress or sacrifices that sometimes requires. You see a stable relationship, but not the work that goes into it. And meanwhile you look at your life and mainly see what's still missing. This makes it seem like others have everything in order and you're falling behind. While everyone is simply at a different point in their own process. 

If you look at life over twenty or thirty years, those differences often become much less noticeable. Many people eventually end up at comparable points, just via a different route. One person achieves certain things earlier, another later. Some people first build a career and then a relationship. Others do it exactly the other way around. What feels like "falling behind" up close often turns out to be just a different order. 

If you notice that you often compare yourself to friends or peers, try to take a step back and look at the bigger picture. Not: who is further along? But: where is someone investing their time and energy right now? You'll notice that almost everyone is ahead in some areas and behind in others. And that that's actually quite normal. Life is a path that everyone walks in their own way. And that's exactly why comparing is often less meaningful than it seems.